Would You Like to Send an Error Report?

Have you ever been diligently working excel spreadsheet, jamming out to iTunes, or watching your favorite clips on your computer when all of a sudden the program you running freezes and closes. After you angrily resume your activity and recoup any lost data Microsoft asks you if you want to “Send an Error Report.” What is this effing report and why?

When I was young starry eyed freshman in college I had my first Compaq Presario laptop and I was going to take the BEST care of it. After about a month of Limewire/Kazaa downloads, I first encountered this message while listening to newly downloaded 80s classics, most likely Eddie Money "Take Me Home Tongiht."

“Would you like to send an error report?”

Of course I did! This was going to be the answer to all my computer problems. I sent the error report and minutes later I had confirmation that Microsoft knew what had happened and would fix it through the magical internet. Sadly, in my blind belief I thought it would never happen again. A month later while working diligently on my Presario,”Would you like to send an error report?” Wait a minute, didn’t I already comply with them and send the error report so this WOULDN’T happen again. So I sent the error report knowing there was something fishy going on and it wasn’t just Backdoor Latina’s 8.

Little did I know, after a couple years of sending this “report” my Compaq Presario crashed. But I had sent the error report all these years, didn’t Microsoft know that my computer was failing, why didn’t they help me? A special e-mail, a technician? Nothing. Did I think my error report was a special message to Bill Gates’s inbox to inform him that Nappy Roots “Heads Up” was corrupted and freezing my Limewire? The answer was clearly no.

Feeling betrayed by the system I believed in got me thinking. If this report isn’t helping “US” the consumer it must be helping “THEM” the evil empire. To what advantage I do not know yet, but I will find out. What I do know is that they compiled a ton of information from me over those years ranging from exotic fetishes to my essay on Vishnu the all powerful Hindu God. Well Microsoft that is all you’ll ever know!!! Because I’ve changed for the better and I no longer trust you.

“Would you like to send an error report?”

EFF NO AND EFF YOU!!!!!!! You owe me a Presario Bill Gates.