On a Boat? Here's What You'll Need

Dr. SlowEff and the SlowEffSquad just can't get enough of The Lonely Island hit "I'm On A Boat" featuring T-Pain. After many weekends spent yelling things at strangers in bars, such as "I'm on a boat bitch" or boasting about ownership of "dolphins", "flippy floppies" and "nautical themed pashmina afghans" I've decided to take a step back and complete a thorough analysis of the must have items required for one to not just "be" on a boat, but more importantly and more difficult, "to be on a boat like Leo"...if you're on the shore here is what you'll needo.

1. A big ass yacht...nothing else will do
2. Friends to be on the boat with you...being on a boat by yourself is just not as cool.
3. T-Pain in a top hat...this gives your boat much needed street cred and someone to sing the hook for your boat song, both of which are crucial to being on a boat.
4. Swim Trunks and Flippy Floppies- absolute must have, don't leave shore without them.
5. Dolphins for doing "flips and shit"...think of this like a real live dingy for off boat excursions and water sports.
6. Santana Champagne- because its so crisp...nuff said
7. Nautical Themed Pashmina Afghan's- This tells everyone you belong on the effing boat, you know the water and it knows you. YOU CANNOT RIDE A BOAT WITHOUT THIS NECESSARY PIECE OF NAUTICAL FASHION...keeps your neck warm on blustery days as well.

It may also behoove you to bring mermaids for effing, a grill for burgers, buoys to climb as there are no trees on the boat and if need be, leave a friend behind at Kinko's where he can make copies.

If you do not have access or ability to purchase/gather all necessary items just remember..."like Kevin Garnett, Anything is Poossssssssible"