The following is a list of 3 of the biggest assholes in the world. The way they operate their motor vehicles is atrocious. I will discuss their tendencies and provide you the reader solutions to get out alive. My solutions do not guarantee success, for the danger these individual impose is astronomical. Since road rage is out in ‘09, giving the finger will NOT be a solution. The following 3 (in no specific order) pertain to awful motor vehicle operators. Please note one person is not exclusive to just one category and can fall under all three to create the suckiest person ever.
1) The Left Lane Clogger
They are amongst the most infamous and dangerous people in the world 2nd to maybe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
1) The Left Lane Clogger
They are amongst the most infamous and dangerous people in the world 2nd to maybe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
The phrase “drive right pass left” doesn’t register to these troubled individuals. Without care, they will drive in the passing lane going no more than 6O MPH. It doesn’t matter if there are 2 lanes or 5, they will BE in your way clogging up traffic. This is dangerous because the left lane is not for poofs. Usual demographic is a cauliflower head and most likely driving a “fake” cop car (you know the ones that COULD be a detective so you tense up and breath heavy just to find out it’s Grandpa Pappy driving). Do not just look for Pappy in the fake cop car for this could be ANYONE clogging.
Solution: Pass on right. You can try to honk and flash your lights, but you will be losing valuable time and traffic will be building behind you (keep in mind that these people are dedicated to the left lane and being in EVERYONES way). Check the right lane AND the right right lane to make sure the coast is clear. Signal and pass. As you are passing, gives two honks of the horn and a giant thumbs up.
Most likely caused by the “Left Lane Clogger”2) The Turtle Merger
These people clearly learned how to drive in Montana or Idaho where the only other object to hit would be a cow or their cousin effing a cow. When merging onto a highway normal human beings drive fast to make the merge easier for everyone on the road. Not these Turtle Mergers, they drive slow and not the cool way like K-West and Paul Wall. "Drive Slow Homie......"
These people clearly learned how to drive in Montana or Idaho where the only other object to hit would be a cow or their cousin effing a cow. When merging onto a highway normal human beings drive fast to make the merge easier for everyone on the road. Not these Turtle Mergers, they drive slow and not the cool way like K-West and Paul Wall. "Drive Slow Homie......"
Solution: This one is tricky because there isn’t much room to maneuver merging onto a highway. So it has to be a quick decision or else you’re caught behind them. After you’ve decided the car in front of you is in fact a “Turtle Merger” pass on the right into the shoulder and floor it around this jerk before you have cars coming to a screeching halt behind you on the highway. DO NOT pass on left for there is traffic there and it could result in a messy incident. If you have time/composure give two honks and a big thumbs up!
3) The Stopper
The most erratic and inconsistent of all sucky drivers. As their name implies, they stop and it is for NO reason at all. There could be a clear lane in front of them, but they are going to hit their brakes so you potentially rear-end them. Other attributes for The Stopper is the old brake-stop-signal-turn which also could result in a potential rear-end. Usual demographic of such drivers are girls 16-25. Most of the time they are adjusting their Bluetooth or checking the most recent text message from their generic sloppy gorganite friend that reads accordingly:
“OMFG….Last night rocked!!! I was so blacked out I woke up with my thong inside out and my thighs sore…Do you know what happened?”
I think we all know what happened but this discussion is paramount and cannot wait until our friend to be in a position where he/she/it is not in a position not threatening to others.
Solution: Destroy with a rocket launcher immediately so these things cannot procreate.
3) The Stopper
The most erratic and inconsistent of all sucky drivers. As their name implies, they stop and it is for NO reason at all. There could be a clear lane in front of them, but they are going to hit their brakes so you potentially rear-end them. Other attributes for The Stopper is the old brake-stop-signal-turn which also could result in a potential rear-end. Usual demographic of such drivers are girls 16-25. Most of the time they are adjusting their Bluetooth or checking the most recent text message from their generic sloppy gorganite friend that reads accordingly:
“OMFG….Last night rocked!!! I was so blacked out I woke up with my thong inside out and my thighs sore…Do you know what happened?”
I think we all know what happened but this discussion is paramount and cannot wait until our friend to be in a position where he/she/it is not in a position not threatening to others.
Solution: Destroy with a rocket launcher immediately so these things cannot procreate.
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