Don't Eff with the Kiefer

Whether its Mr. Bauer or Mr. Sutherland, you just don't mess with him. Kief/Jack recently reminded a silly fashion designer of this fact at the Metropolitans Museum or Art's after party this week....with an effing head butt to the nose. Hahahahahahahah....i love a good old fashion head butt to drive the point home...but in this case there was apparently very little point to be driven home. Accounts say Kiefer was sticking up for gal pal Brooke Shields after some douchey designer bumped into her...others say it was just drunk Kief being drunk Kief. I'll chalk it up to him being a method actor and fully embodying his characters persona all in the name of a more "real" Jack Bauer.

Here's the article for further deets

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30594525

24 Recap: Tony's a Phony

Last night we learned what we were all hoping we wouldn’t: Anphony “Phony” Almeida is, in fact, a giant asshole. I was hoping against hope that this wasn’t the case, that he was only double whammying us into going deeper undercover but I’m pretty sure his fate was sealed last night when he talked mad shit and refused giving medication to a seizuring Bauer. So Phony’s back to being a major dick, and I think I’ve pretty much had it with him, I know that the US government was partially responsible for your wifes death, but when are you going to forgive and forget man? Quit effing with my emotions like this. I was also hoping that Moss would be fake dead because Phony was setting up a double swoop and squat but that was not the case, and agent Moss was shown extremely dead at the scene. That’s it folks, Tony’s a Phony.

In other revelations, it is now evident that Coach Kilmer is really only a cog in the evil machine that’s behind today’s plots. While in holding, he was visited by a femme fatale operative from the higher-ups, giving him a heart attack pill that would allow him to die with some dignity and not lose the legacy of Starkwood. Unfortunately, when he popped the pill en route to FBI headquarters, Coach Kilmer was seemingly saved by his escorts and taken to a local hospital- setting up a sick one on one between the Coach and Bauer. Intensity levels will be through the roof here people.

Once again Kim Bauer has dropped the ball. Even if your parents told you not to, anyone out there would surely atleast try saving them with some sort of miracle cure. Instead Kim drives away. As she’s driving home it’s uncovered that she is married AND has a little baby girl named “Terry” after her fallen grandmother. Again, Kim drops the ball, imagine this conversation in a few years: “Mommy, where did you get my name from?” “Oh that was your grandmothers name…she was brutally raped and murdered by terrorists.” Now the kid wont sleep till she’s 14. And is it just me or does this baby have eerily similar features to Bauer. Im pretty sure this baby is Jack Bauer. Just look at the comparison below:


I’m not even going to try to predict what’s going on, something’s gotta give with Bauer getting cured, there’s no way hes going to die. Not an effing chance.

24 Recap: Holy Effing S I just S-ed my P's.

Holy shit people, holllllly shit. This weeks 2-4 featured more twists and turns than a monkey in a straight jacket trying to ride a bike. You had it all here, sick detonations, tense face to face meetings between good and evil, classic cast members, and the ultimate of deceptions. It’s safe to say that 1AM-2AM was the coolest hour this far, and no thanks to Tony Cool, now forever dubbed Tony (Un)Cool….but more on him later.

The beginning of this episode was enough to make you S your P’s. Tony pulled some sick tactical moves in getting to the fuel tanks and ultimately blowing them up. One critique, however, is shouldn’t more stuff be blown up? I mean the whole gas station was in tact after this massive explosion, I call shenanigans on the set design team on this one. What made this situation so intense was that on top of the rockets being launched, at the same time Coach Kilmer was trying to blackmail the President of the United States aka Estrogen in Chief. Luckily, everything was destroyed in time and Coach Kilmer and his douchey little side kick were locked up, but only after some intense discussions.


Then we move onto the heart and soul of this ep where we get to the rawww emotion. Miss Kimberly Effing Bauer had the nerve to show her face once more for an emotional 5 minute talk with her father. Bauer wanted nothing more than to keep her out of this, but he couldn’t stop the only thing he loves from getting to him. I’ll be damned if I didn’t get goosebumps during this conversation culminating with jack saying “I’m dying.” In the end, Jack decides that it’s not worth the medical risk to Kim to save his own effed up life. So Kim walked away from her father and out of his life forever. Yeah right, $20 says she walked right out that door to the medical facility and got those em-effing stem cells harvested. Guaranteed Bauer will be up and running by the end of next episode….hour and a half at the most.

Ok so we had a power face off, the most emotional scene of the season, now we need the drama and deceipt. First let me start by saying, eff you Tony Effing Eff you Mothering Effing Eff. If you’re playing with my heart again im not going to stand for it, you build me up, you break me down, you build me up more, you level me. Make up your mind you piece of shit. I know the government killed your wife, but you didn’t have to take it out on Moss right when he was getting cool. This happens everytime. The dick cast member takes a while to warm up to Bauer, and when he finally does, he gets offed and effed. This better not be another sorry about that whammy swoop and sqwat because my emotions are in no mood to be played by you again Tony (Un)Cool.

24 Recap: First C Gets on Her Knees to Appease P

In a tense 60 minutes of pure adrenaline, we learned 2 things: Bauer is effed and Coach Kilmer means business. First, bauer is showing some drastic changes in only about 2 hours of being infected. As the symptoms progress, his ability to fight terrorists is greatly compromised. This, however, opens the door for some vintage Tony Cool takedowns and neck snaps. Tony hasn't skipped a beat and knows he has to rise to the occasion with Bauer on the sidelines. Speaking of doors opening it seems as though that miracle cure for Bauer's illness does exist, in the form of stem cell treatment. Now we can add another hot button topic, stem cell research, to the writer's already controversial commentary of terrorism, foreign affairs, and torture. And of course, in order to use stem cells were going to need a next of kin to do research on; all signs point to Miss Kimberly Bauer making a special appearance in upcoming installments.

Now, onto the business. A tense standoff took place on Starkwood's private miliatry base between the FBI and Starkwood's militia. The FBI stood down but managed to sneak Tony out of the pack thanks to a sick left hook diversion delivered by Agent Moss. Once Tony Ju-jitsued his way into the biochemical lab he was able to confirm that they do iin fact possess the power to infect tens of thousands of people. The President authorized a missle attack on the base but was forced to standown after Coach Kilmer threatened to launch the biochemicals at major cities on the East Coast- setting up a face to face meeting next week with the Pres and poss First C.

Speaking of that whore, the First C got what's coming to her (that's what she said) by a reverse whammy swoop and sqwat carried off by her ex flame and tv reporter turd ferguson. In an effort to qwell the story of WMDs, the First C decided it would be easier to get on her knees to save her mother's name by blackmailing her newsman exflame. In a secret sex tape rivaled only by Paris Hiltons, the C used some trickery in making sure that the story wouldn't break. A doubley douchey move indeed.

Next week brings some tense moments so heads up...

24 Recap: Starkwood's Bait and Switch Makes FBI Their Bitch

Its okay Tony, they got us too. Last night we witnessed a textbook 24 bait and switch when Coach Kilmer’s weaseley assistant juked President Taylor into digitally signing a Presidential Immunity Order and then spin moved out of trouble with his boss after leading the FBI to the wrong storage facility. The hour closed as a tense face-off between Starkwood, a rogue military agency, and the Bureau. Starwood seems prepared to defend their grounds at all costs, totally ignoring that fact that the US government is the US government. I know what you’re think “ohhhh shit, this is about to get ugly” but look for Starkwood’s operatives just to stall the FBI from finding the weapon, they may be brazen, but they aren’t stupid. Then again, they’re in pretty deep so who knows what could happen when radical patriotism trumps common sense.

Now, the emotional part: Bauer has been infected with the deadly biological agent, which from what we saw last night ends in a painful violent death by seizure and paralysis. We’ve been in this situation before team, Bauer’s written off, it seems there’s no way out, and then BAM, he comes back to save the day. But every time this happens, it seems less likely that Jack will be able to walk away. I mean he’s been infected, that’s it- he’s not going to make it. But don’t be so naïve. There are multiple situations that could play out here; maybe a radical experimental antidote, maybe a false positive, or maybe he’s not really infected, maybe the FBI is trying to cover somehow. We do know one thing though, it hurts to see Bauer sitting on the sideline, even if we did get some full frontal nudity in the process.

Answer me this: How in the hell could the President’s cabinet stand by while she makes an obviously awful and emotionally-fueled decision by tapping her daughter, the First C, Chief of Staff? I mean give me a break here people, no chance this would ever happen. It’s also very obvious that she’s up to no good, which we should learn more about next week after what appears to be a steamy liaison with her news reporter friend. In the meantime, it’s 2-4, so keep your head on a swivel.

24 Recap: Bauer Exposed

Now that's what I like to see, good old fashioned 24 action. Last nights ep had all of the makings of a classic episode; big time weapons of mass destruction, Tony Cool and Bauer tag teaming terrorists, and a glimpse into Jack's tortured soul.
Some major events happened last night including the resignation of President Taylors Chief of Staff (brought on by none other than the First C herself. Another glimpse into the First Family that the First Bitch is on track to make a ful recovery after being temporarily paralyzed, choked out, and being pumped full of lead.

But the real action came out of a shipyard in Alexandria, Virginia. In a 9:2 ratio of villain to bad ass, Tony Cool and Bauer relived their glory days, moping out terrorists and taking names. Using intricate flanking positioning, the 2 rogue operatives managed to hold their own in the process of securing the biochemical bomb being loaded onto a big rig. The real emotions came out when Bauer was forced to choose between the safety of tens of thousands of people and his conscience. Bauer, feeling the need to redeem himself from his past sins, chose the latter- saving a Port Authority watchman that Bauer had promised to protect. This is the true raw emotion that we love seeing.

The big news came in the final minutes of the episode when Bauer was forced to pull over to stop a leaking gas tank from infecting innocent civilians. It was in this process that Jack was exposed to the harmful chemical agent which we learned that during testing in Sengala caused extreme dementia and paralysis leading to an ugly death.

As the world waits with bated breath for his blood work, one can only hope that Bauer will be resilient, as usual. Plus he just signed on for about 3 more seasons so I'd say his chances are pretty good.

24 Recap: Senator Red Dead After Being Pumped with Lead

I have to give it to 24's writers this season. In what seemed like a typical "set-up" episode, action at the tail end made this, yet again, an hour to remember. The prototypical "set-up" episode usually spends most of the hour developing the plot for an action packed following hour...as this one did. But, as the show was winding down, a surprise twist occurred when Black Ops Speical Operative John Quinn cranked about 5 bullets into Senator Red's chest while posing as the DC metro police. Now Bauer is doubly effed: Not only was Senator Red the one person that could help clear his name, but the guy who killed him had to be merked out in an epic construction yard knife fight. (I have to give to Jack here, I think this was the first time he's used a bulldozer to apprehend the enemy.) The good news is that he was able to find a location of the WMD's from Quinn, the bad news is that they're already in the country about to be deployed...in Alexandria, Virginia. On the other hand, I know a few people in the DC metro region, and this may not be bad news at all.

Keep tugging at the sweater, eventually the whole thing will unravel- Bauer's figured out the connection to Coach Kilmer's defense contractor Starkwood and General Juma. The two found a mutually beneficial relationship where Kilmer can develop and test the weapons on the people of Sengala, and Juma can get paiiiid. It's funny to me how these radical protectors of democracy feel that upholding the ideals of America by releasing a devastating biochemical nerve agent
on it's own soil is "fundamentally and absolutely necessary."

Also, keep an eye on the first daughter, or "First C" as I like to call her. She's thrown many curve balls already and definately cant have the best of intentions here-don't be surprised if her and Coach Kilmer are in cahoots.

Next episode should be solid: Tony Cool's back in action after a brief latte stop at a sidewalk cafe (gotta keep the caffeine up), and the Starkwood delegation has been told to bring their pajamas..and their toothbrushes, because it's going to be a long night.

24 Recap: Death of a Hero, Birth of a Legend

Last night on another epic episode of 24, the writers sent shockwaves across the nation when they ended the heroic life of Bill Buchanan. What happenned so quickly is now leaving long lasting memories of the rogue leader of a rogue agency who offed himself to save the President.

Now, we are forced to move on in this most recent day without the help of one of the mainstays of the cast and more importantly, the biggest symbol of honor and integrity in Jack's life. Buchanan now finds himself on an immortal list of heros who sacrificed themselves for the greater good of the United States of America including ex CTU Division Leader Ryan Chappelle and Information Technology Freak of Nature Edgar "E-Dot" Styles. His hairstyle may have changed but his demeanor stayed true; Buchanan was a rock. He was also celebrated this season for shedding his usually "all business" appearance and being a little more laid back; donning mock turtle necks and an aggressive metro hair-do. It will be interesting to see how the loss of Buchanan affects Bauer's emotional balance and ability to focus in these tough times. RIP Bill, you will be missed.

Other areas of note is that Bauer is in full fugitive rogue mode. All rules are off and no holes are barred when Bauer is tracking the scents of terrorism with the FBI hot on his trail. The true evil of the terrorist operation is starting to be peeled away like a stinky onion. Jon Voight, most notably known for his role of asshole coach Bud Kilmer in the 1999 coming of age film Varsity Blues, has emerged once again as a total douchebag. With lines like "you gotta admire the damn bitch, she doesn't give up easily," he's making a name for himself as being a cold hearted douchey traitor. One final note is that we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief knowing that Aaron Pierce is back to kicking ass and taking names after being sidelined for about 35 minutes due to a gunshot wound.

24 Recap: Terrorists Take White House in White House-Boat

In a rogue, brash, and downright hostile attack, General Juma and his militia of well-trained assassins descended upon our Country's most recognizable landmark. Taking the White House and all of it's staff hostage, the team of disenfranchised Sengalians mowed down nearly a dozen Secret Service agents en route to taking our President hostage.


The thing that really grinds my gears is that Bauer was a 120-volt shot to a corrupt Senate advisors jugular away from stopping this attack. What happened last night was a national tragedy. Not because one of our most secure buildings was infiltrated, not because our President was taken hostage, and not even because Bauer was forced to give into the terrorists. Nay, the real reason this episode sent shockwaves across America is because the most loyal and dependable character, Aaron Pierce, was taken down with a bullet shot to his right shoulder. If only the FBI had listened and colluded with a rogue operative from a disbanded agency this all could have been avoided. The blood of Pierce is on your hands President Taylor- go eff yourself.

PS: Bauer plus Pierce equals these guys' worst nightmare.