Open Letter to the "Car Effer": Wow

Dear "Car Effer",




I totally respect sexual orientation. I also respect an appreciation or passion for the things most important in one's life. BANGING OUT YOUR VW BEETLE IS UNNACCEPTABLE.

Let's start this off with a quote to get the ball rolling:

"There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving."

I would love to know where you wedge your pud...the gas tank? the exhaust tip? between the armrest? where the seats fold down? under the flip down vanity mirror? HHHWERE AND HHWHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THESE VEHICLES?

This situation brings a whole new meaning to "drive-in" movies. Do you ever just lay back and let the car take charge? Are there new sexual postitions like the "reverse dry rack and pinion steering" or "congress of the AM/FM radio?"

How does a relationship work and when does it come to an end? Have you ever been scorned or wronged by a car that Effed another lover? Do you dump cars when they "depreciate in value?" Do you look back on a '89 Camaro and say, "that was my great white buffalo...the one that got away."
Dammit, how do you even know the difference between a guy car and a girl car? do you check under the hood for that sort of thing? EFFFF my head hurts thinking about all this.

I realize this is far less a letter and far more a ridiculous take on 20 questions but I just cannot get my car around this "auto-erotic" thing you've got going.

I'm going to leave this here as I'm speechless and out of questions. Good luck boning cars you weird eff.

Yours Truly,

Dr. Sloweff
here's the link to the story further wow factor.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-having-sex-with-1000-cars.html