Effer of the Week: Bernard Madoff

Bernie Madoff, the infamous mastermind of a 65 billion dollar Ponzi scheme spent last night in the clinker after pleading guilty to 11 counts of all sorts of dickheadery. He was without a doubt the biggest EFFer of the week and no doubt will contend for EFFer of the year. Sooooo...

Dear Bernie,

I would normally say effer but in your case you deserve the extra ummph...you are a huge fucker. You robbed friends at your country club, neighbors and associates across the country, countless charities, Elie Wiesel who survived the holocaust, Steven Spielberg and the man, the myth the legend, The Baconator, Kevin Bacon. Who the Eff do you think you are man? How did you maintain relationships with these people, posing as a friend, consultant, money manager, etc...all the while knowing, as you said in court, "the day would come when I would be arrested." Go Eff yourself man! You ruined countless lives...to include your wife, and sons. You claimed that you quickly realized you would not be able to "extricate" yourself or your clients from the scheme and that was in the mid to late 90's.
Dickhead, you could have saved a lot of grief and hardship for a lot of people if you had the sack to come forward with your bullshit financial hoax. But no, not you Bernard, you enjoyed the jet setting, country clubbing and your multiple properties too much to come clean.
I recently heard you were wearing a bullet-proof vest out when you left your apartment...what does it feel like to be hated so much by so many that you need to take those extra measures? It really is too bad no one was able to get a clean shot at your forehead from an undisclosed roof top. And now, as so many were happy to hear, you are stuck in a cell no bigger than a walk-in closet with a "bunk mate" and a visible toilet until your sentencing in June. I truly hope your "bunk mate" digs into you like you dug into other peoples savings Bernard, it's going to hurt in a different way...but hurt none-the-less.

Go Eff yourself Bernard...SlowEff and many many others hope you get the "treatment" you deserve.

xoxo,

Dr. SlowEff and the SlowEffSquad
Thanks to New York Magazine for the altered mug shot.