My Dearest Robert Sylvester Kelly:
You have sung/talked some of the sexiest r&b songs ever put to track. Your lyrics speak to both the penis and the vagina as you paint a picture of erotic, nastiness with every word. Your prowess and vision when filming music videos continues to transcend what is real...taking the viewer into "your world" if only for a few minutes. Despite the fact that your reality often times deals with the illegal side of romantic relations I cannot get enough of the world that is your music. From your early hits on your first solo album Play 12 to I Believe I Can Fly, Ignition, Ima Flirt and Same Girl as well as the excellent remixes that followed, I have been a fan and I'm certainly not a fan in the closet...I'm proud of it. Speaking of closets Robert, I would really like to address your series Trapped in a Closet: 1-5. I recall a late night back in college, the evening had ended for many...at which point I decided to mellow out while watching some music videos on demand. What I came across in my search, dear Robert, was your coup de grace, your masterpiece. It was as if your pied pipe was calling out to my ears as you belted the passionate Hip-Hopera that is "Trapped in a Closet."
As one scene led to the next and the situation escalated I found myself shirtless, seated on the end of my bed,chain smoking cigarettes. First your trapped in a closet, then "he looked at the closet, he opened the closet" and you "pulled out your Beretta". A sensible move no doubt dear Robert but why didn't you just walk out of the apartment and be on your way? Duh, because that would be a lame hip-hopera. So you do the damn thing and watch as the reverend and his wifey air out dirty laundry....and it turns out he's got a surprise for us all...in the form of a man lover...ohhhhhhh snap, its on now. As the plot thickens and things heat up I dare not disgrace your work with mere words...so, here is the full 1-5 series below to explain just what happens, the words you sing/speak and the emotions they evoke are no doubt, felt by all.
Scrumtralescent is the only word that comes to mind as the 5th installment comes to a close and "holy shit you have to be kidding me" was the phrase I yelped when I soon realized there are 15 more installments in your Trapped In A Closet hip-hopera. I cannot wait to curl up with a large tub of ice cream, a pack of cigarettes, a box of tissues and my Beretta as I prepare to delve even deeper into your wonderful world. In the mean time Robert, I ask that you behave yourself. Urinating on young "tricks", getting mocked about doo doo butter, causing conflict on tour with other artists, all that should stop...but then again, that's the amazing shit that leaves us all longing for more.
"It's the remix to ignition, hot and fresh out the kitchen, momma rolling that body got errvryone in here wishing"
Play on playa and keep steppin in the name of love,
Dr. SlowEFF
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