Open Letter to Men Wearing Skinny Jeans

Dear men wearing skinny jeans,

Consider yourself on notice. Skinny Jeans are pants for women that began as a female fashion trend a year or so back and for whatever reason they have transcended gender boundaries as a bunch of gay men, hipsters, rock stars and even rapper Lil Wayne have begun to rock them all about town. I've got news for you guys, you look effing stupid and whether you say you are or not, I know you can't be comfortable. There is no good reason for a man to be stuffing his lower body, package and all into a pair of jeans so slender and tight. Do you actually believe you look "attractive" or "well dressed" in these female skinny jeans? Or is it more about making a statement and fitting a certain image? I believe Sprite said it best, "image is nothing, thirst is everything" so while you rock those skinny ass jeans with the idea that you look "hip" I watch and observe as my mind is blown. Are you aware that the ultra snug fit is doing damage to your sperm count guys? You realize that by cramping your dinger up in those lady pants you are heating up the natural temperature at which the sperm are able to survive...So not only do you look stupid while wearing pants that are cut for skinny girls but you are also damaging your own seed...all in the name of "fashion"?

I suggest you do us all a favor and your sperm as well and loosen your pants the eff up.

hkhk,

Dr. Sloweff