Open Letter to Lady Gaga: Are You A Hooker? If yes, how much?

Dear Lady Gagagagagagagaga,

Ma Ma Ma My Poker Face is hard as eff to read and I'd be happy to go heads up, double down, raise and clean your house. Flat out, you are a galactic whore bucket and my love for you is growing. The first time I saw your "Just Dance" video its safe to say "you had me at Just" as I was already dancing. I was quite intrigued as you skeezed it all about a grimy party scene, riding the eff out of dolphins, actively incorporating your hands into dance, wearing next to nothing(you hooker) and all in all bringing the "funk". I have to be straight with you, I did not want to like you at first. I knew where this was all headed...straight to "aggressive girl pop star action" and we all have seen where that heads (ie misses spears and rihanna). However, let's just say your latest single, "Poker Face" was a full on game changer. While at first I resisted your catchy beat it became impossible to avoid the song. The radio, my real life Lady and pretty much every bar insisted on hitting that beat on repeat. It was not long until I found myself humming it on the train, dancing to it sans clothing apres je prend une douche (french for take a shower) and basically enjoying the whole damn song. When I realized what was happening to me and the fact that it was truly "real life" I made a pact with myself never to purchase your beat on itunes...a restriction of sorts. Alas, Dr. Sloweff is apparently weak in the knees for a combo remix of Justin Timberlake singing hokey remixes of your songs on SNL. So, as I geared up for a long, arduous road trip last Thursday eve, I did it, I downloaded the eff out of your song. At first I felt used, disappointed in my caving in...a Lady Gaga relapse of sorts. However, not long after merging on to 78 West it was your songs turn on my sweet "Summer Jammy '09" playlist and it was then that I signed my soul over to the devil. I'll leave it at this... I got my car dance on...and I must say, my car dance shit, it gets real, real serious. Througout the weekend the song became a high point in what was an already strong playlist creation. I no longer feel uncomfortable when listening/dancing in my car to "Poker Face". I do however feel used and alone...and my car smells like sweat and fear.

Ohhh oh oh oh oh ohhh


Dr. SlowEff