EFF Jam: Flash Gordon By Queen

This is more for the extremely cheesetastic music video that accompanies the song than anything...but queen is always sweet.

Swine Flu Party: BYO H1N1

In an effort to expose children to the virus early on in the hopes of building a resistance to it, parents have held Swine Flu parties. Makes sense, sounds a little crazy and believe it or not, this is not the first time such parties have been held. Back in the day people would have "Measles Parties" and "Chicken Pox Parties" for the same reasons. Popular games played at these parties are "Pin the Swine on the Toddler" and "Everyone Kiss Each other". Additionally, only one cup, one fork, one seat and zero soap are present at these parties to ensure the desired result.

I imagine it all plays out like this:

1. a kid gets swine flu

2. entrepreneurial parent decides to capitalize on the illness

3. Parent calls other parents offering invites to an "H1N1 Lollapalooza" with a charge per each child who needs to be infected.

4. Other parents R.S.V.P which of course stand for "Registered. Swine. Virus. Participant"

5. Parents arrive at party with kids and check made payable to the "host parent" and thenn they toss the kids in a room and make them roll all over each other.

6. "host parent" cleans up some nice green and the rest of the parents leave happy and assured that their kiddies will get super sick in the name of resisting a future outbreak of the virus....Bravo

Sounds like a page out of the Gay Orgy book only with those parties no one had any idea what they were gonna catch...whammy

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/06/30/flu.party/index.html

The C String....Oh boy

No more panty lines ladies...Now you can just get the C String. This not not G string fits snuggly in your crotch. Have a blast at the beach avoiding embarrassing tan lines and staying comfortable with CCCCCCCC String. Everyone with a C should Get a C string.

RIP MIKE

I wanted to post my favorite Michael Jackson song in rememberence of the legend.



There's something about the first 5 seconds of this song that wake up my dance demons. If i'm sitting I jump up to attnetion, if I'm already up I'll do a 360 jump. Theres something about this song that just makes you want to take it to the next level. By far, the simplest purest motown song ever made. You've all heard about his timeless style, and this song totally embodies it. How old is he in this? 5??? Give me a friggen break, game over. And how can you not scream BABYYY!!! at the end of this? It's impossible...best song ever. I want you back, but the best part about musical legends is that their legacy can live on forever and although he's gone this song isn't going anywhere.

Challenge

Click this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_hz2am90Hk&feature=featured

Try not to dance, I dare you

Phillipino Inmates: "Thriller"

This is just silly and if you youtube them you'll find a variety of other organized prison yard dances.




Has to be, hands down, the coolest place to go to prison ever.

EFF Jam: Billie Jean Live

"Remember to always think twice"

R.I.P. King of Pop

Dear Michael,

I started dancing to your "Off The Wall" and "Thriller" albums at the age of 6. Jumping from couch to couch, grabbing my crotch, yelling "Ow" in as high a pitch as possible. You were then and are now my favorite musician...despite all of your oddities, your reclusive nature and your black to white re-imaging, I do not care and to some extent did not pay all that much attention to the goings on in your personal life, for me it was always about your music, and that will always remain.

Were it not for a weekend full of set plans I would have liked very much to dance to your songs at bars, in abandoned warehouses, in the middle of a desert, on the streets of a desecrated neighborhood, on a space ship and in front of a green screen, really anywhere would do. Unfortunately, I will have to reserve such enthusiastic remembrance for the confines of my car, my go to dance floor on wheels.

I along with the sloweffsquad hope you find peace in the after life, wherever the eff you might believe that to be...a Disney cartoon, a giant bed full of pillows, inside a giant sparkly glove or in a world full of zombies.

Thanks,

Dr. Sloweff

Here is a link to the official youtube Michael Jackson page. Its full of info but more importantly, has all of his music videos for your viewing pleasure...as the embedding option is not available for us to put them on here.

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=michaeljackson&view=videos&start=20

Curious George last spotted in South Africa

Curious George has been located, to the delight of fans around the world, myself included. After being lost for almost a year, he has emerged urinating on the Zambian President's head. The Man in the Yellow Hat has been taken into custody and is awaiting sentencing for neglect. Silly monkey...

"Perhaps these are blessings" - Zambian President

EFF Jams: Cheesy Summer Tunes Flashback

Chinese food never makes me sick



And for my boy DPH...I know this is your "jam"
They disabled the embed so here's the URL...well worth the look
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMl2QtZmLEQ

Russian Energy Giant GAZPROM's new company

In a deal with the country of Nigeria, Russian energy giant GAZPROM has acquired a new company. That company will be name NIGAZ a clear combination of the first three letters of Nigeria and the first three letters of GAZPROM...enough said.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/8118721.stm

Crop Circles = Wallabies High On Opium

A closer look at what first appeared to be crop circles in the region of Tasmania has uncovered a very silly reality. Don't worry people, its not aliens, it's just wallabies. The Wallabies are getting high as shit in the legally operated opium fields and then hopping around in circles, which leads to the crop circle-esque patterns that were discovered. Apparently the wallabies are not the only wild life that have been known to get high on the Big O...deer and sheep have also been witnessed "dabbling" in the crops and walking around in circles and baaaa-ing about "profound shit man."

I wonder if these animals are aware of the crop and its effect. Are they intentionally using it for such results and could they develop a chemical or habitual dependency on the stuff?...maybe the wallabies are selling this stuff on the streets or in the bush out of that very convenient front pouch they have...or maybe they're involved with the Russian mob and this opium gig is just a side project to the real bread winner, the caviar smuggling trade of course???


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31539546/ns/world_news-weird_news/

Did I say Appalachian???

I meant Argentina! Honest mistake.

After a week-long hiadus in the "mountains", South Carolina Governer Mark Sanford has emerged from the bush with the shocking news that he wasn't relaxing in the rocky terrain a mere hour from the state capital, rather he was exploring the mountains of a "dear dear friend" south of the equator. "I wanted to do something exotic," Sanford told The State. No shit?

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/06/24/report-south-carolina-governor-traveled-argentina-appalachian-trail/

EFF Jam: Birthday Sex (Remix)

Girl you know I I I...

Where Are You From?

I'm from useless.

Tell The Girl Like Doritos That's Nac-Cho Cheese!

What would you do if a scary looking girl proposed sex out of nowhere at a bar? Some people I know would accept, I would probably blush somewhat, say no thank you and remove myself from the situation. What would you do if the same girl proposed sex in exchange for chips? I'm not talking about poker chips late-night in Vegas or AC, I'm talking straight-up Ruffles, Pringles, or Crunchers if you will. I myself, would RUN far far away and never return to the location of such a disturbing request. Pray with me Forrest, "Dear God...Make me a bird.. so I can fly far far away from here..Dear God...Make me a bird...so I can fly far far away from here" You get the picture.....





Few questions I'd ask myself while sprinting quicker than Usain Bolt..the fastest thing running....

1) Would somebody have sex with this woman sans chip exchange? Probably...then why the chips?

2) Would she try to eat Tostitos Hint of Lime (delicious I might add) off me in some weird sex act and/or eat me? I hope not..nightmares

3) Why does this woman associate chips with sex? Disturbing childhood or perhaps she just loves crunching chips and this damm recession is holding her back.


"Tell her friends like Fritos I'm trying to Lay".......please follow up at your own discretion......

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Sully Rocks

Once again Captain Sullenberger has proved he's the man. This American icon recently made a quick cameo during the chorus of the new rock supergroup Chickenfoot's video "Oh Yeah." Chickenfoot is comprised of a couple ex- Van Halen members as Velvet Revolver was to Guns N Roses.




Not to be forgotten, Sullenberger's "sink or swim" rise to iconic status was when his plane lost power over the GW bridge (Nothing like coasting a multiple ton aircraft over the one of the heaviest travelled bridges in the country). When many people would have pooped themselves, Sully calmly stated "We are landing in the Hudson, we are landing in the Hudson" and did such that. Cheers Sully! Please view yourself.....

This Just In>>>>NO SHIT!

Jon and Kate plus a Judge, two lawyers, guardian ad litem for the children, court TV, Major Media Outlets, financial affidavits, mud slinging depositions = commence divorce proceedings.

Don't worry though people, they'll still continue with the show.

Face-Tatted Dumbass Admits to Being Dumbass

After defying her father and a normal threshold of pain, Mike Tyson enthusiast and Belgian teen Kimberley Vlaeminck has now admitted that she wasn't actually asleep when her tattoo artist bedazzled her face with 56 stars. It wasn't until her boyfriend and father lost their collective minds that the 56 stars was only intended to be 3. With no legitimate case against the artist, she's going to have to earn $10K for laser removal surgery. She currently holds the timeslot between the Siamese twins and the bearded lady.

Perez Pummelled, Karma Still Undefeated

Karma: 1,933,894,448,243,512,982,464,486,201,008
Everyone Else: 0

A story out of the "I Can't Believe It Took This Long" column, celebrity blogger Perez Hilton finally got what was coming to her, a good old fashioned rough up. I'm not one to condone violence, hell, I'm not one to condone blogging either, but this one makes me chuckle a little bit. Mrs. Hilton continuously crosses the line about 10 times a day on his blog about peoples weight, appearance, and personal issues. It's clear that he sides with the same people all the time and continues to bash the people he dislikes. It was no surprise that one of those people that he continues to bash finally lashed out on him this weekend at the MuchMusic Awards After Party. Apparently the dust up involved the Black Eyed Peas and their manager "Marco" Polo Molina. Obviously this has turned into a giant she said-she said, but it's clear that no matter how much shit you talk, it's gonna come back to bite you in the ass.

EFF Jam: Kinda Like A Big Deal

"Pardon me I must say...I'm kinda like a big deal"

Perez Hilton Gets Punched...Awesome

Perez is clearly heartbroken, offended, insulted and all in all experiencing the karma that comes around when you make a living bashing people.

iVibe= Apple is a pervert

So it's official...in the pissing contest to create the "next big app" for the Iphone there is a winner....The IVibe. An app capable of bringing female Iphone users to the brink of ecstasy and beyond. With varying levels of vibration the phone, placed gently on the IVagina, can serve as a modest vibrator in the most discreet ways. It is being advertised as the go to option "when your kids are around, when you're driving, when you're stressed at work". Funnier still, Apple has officially approved the first phone vibrator application leaving the door open to many a creative techy out there to create the next wild application. I suggest they remember the male users of the Iphone and create the IJob...a phone with a hole in the middle of it.



http://www.getemgirls.com/?tag=ivibe

Tim Burton Loves Making Kids S Their P's

In his latest installment, of Tim Burton's "How Can I Continue to Scare the Shit Out of Kids" movie series, the enigmatic director takes on the childhood classic Alice in Wonderland. In what is sure to be just as weird and abstract as the book, the movie version features all of the old favorite characters, including Burton's man crush Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. This movie follows in the footsteps of other childhood stories being recreated for the big screen such as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (also produced by Burton) as well as the #1 most anticipated movie of the year WTWTA. Be sure to pack your diapers.

JB'ing: Heavy Stuff Man

1. what is the world coming to? seriously...thoughts, bueller...anyone?

2. Chace Crawford of Gossip Girl is America's Hottest Bachelor according to People...eff me for knowing this.

3. If you don't know about "Foxy Knoxy" you should google the girl...she's hot and in and italian jail on murder charges.

4. Eff the weather, eff it hard....summer solstice better bring its A game

5. and Iran, Iran so far away

6. it is on days like these that lunch ordering places me squarely at odds with summer time slim down....sausage and peppers with mozz on a hoagie= no problem

7. uhhhhhhh kavian?


It seems instead of a dick, this man has a full lower leg complete with soccer cleat, shin guard and knee high red sock...."hey babe, wanna eff?" In addition to that he has a man growing out of his ass and floating in mid air...im an idiot, yes i am.

Follow Up To Smuggling Post: Vans aren't cutting edge

A World mountain bike champion apparently felt less is more and went with the old van full of a couple hundred lbs of marijuana. 2 points for effort...-100 for lack of creativity.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=4268555

Drug Smugglers Are So Cutting Edge

The drug smuggling business is one that requires constant adaption and never ending creativity. Way way back in the day they used to fly below radar on small planes. They then modified this and would set up specific drop locations over the water and have speed boats pick up duffel bags full of weed, yayo and H-train. As the Federales and United States DEA officials began to get wise to these tactics it was back to the drawing board for cartels around the world...the task: How to smuggle drugs in the least likely, most indiscreet manner.

There is of course the impressive ecstasy trade that utilized hard cover children's books to store more than enough MDMA to get a rave going. This group, out of Amsterdam also utilized the "always Innocent" image of young Hasidic Jewish men...often considered the least likely drug mules on the planet.




Sticking with the drug mule method there are countless stories of cartels forcing people to swallow balloons across boarders and subsequently shit them out and sell them to distributors once in the desired location. That's' right...you may have done drugs that someone else shit out...lets hope those balloons were durable.




Not long ago there was the story that broke out of Mexico in which a Colombian cartel had fashioned their own cocaine stuffed submarine for crafty under water smuggling. Seems the Naval forces have radar that can detect that kind of shit.




Also crafty in their smuggling techniques are the local Italian deli's of New York City who were also using submarines, of the sandwich variety, to hide and distribute drugs. Meat Platters were also used...FYI.



There is also the situation from back in the Viet-Effing-Nam days when soldiers bodies were loaded with drugs and then shipped back to the U.S. both crafty and extremely immoral...however morals were never a factor in the "Drug Game Yo"


Most recently the cartels have attempted to stuff dead sharks with 870 packages of cocaine. They were of course caught...that's how we know this happened, a duh.



Other notable smuggling/stashing/distribution techniques that I have heard of are match books in Pizza Uno..yep that's a call out. Napkins, cell phones with batteries removed, jewelry cases, chap sticks and of course the good old fashion clenched butt cheeks.

Who knows what we will see next?

Mrs. Doubtfire?

After his mother died in 2003, Thomas Parkin forged documents and filed lawsuits in his mothers name and also accepted social security benefits and even posed as his mother in meeting with authorities and at banks. What The EFF man? Eventually he was dscovered...there's a shocker but it wasn't until he had racked up about 100K and 6 years worth of shenanigans.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/17/ny.mother.impersonation/index.html

EFF Jam: Iran Style

In an effort to draw attention? to the Iranian election I've selected the first video that popped up on youtube.com when I typed in "Iran Music." The rest just makes me laugh.

Bonna-screwed: How not to start a 4 day concert

This past weekend the modern day equivalent of woodstock took place in rolling hills of tennessee. That's right sloweffers, hippies and non hippies alike traveled to Bonna-effing-roo to noodle dance, listen to good tunes, get good vibes, get and do good drugs, sleep in tents, not shower, freak out, have sex in mud, throw up in port-o-potties....and or, die in a tent, get arrested with thousands worth of weed and shrooms and or get pulled over with an RV full of weed and exotic healing crystals.

It seems the option is yours here peeps, its a free will kind of place and with free will often comes costly consequences. Below are two ass bags who were traveling with exotic healing crytals and mari ju ana...











Creepy old hippies they are

http://www.wsmv.com/news/19739351/detail.html#

EFF Jam: Shiny Toy Guns>>>Major Tom

Heard this beat in a lincoln car commercial...in case anyone is in need of a basic refernce point for this jump off.

A look into how this whole "internet" thing got started...

It wasn't that long ago when people had no clue what the eff was going on with this "internet" thing, and this solid gold clip of Tom Brokaw at a Computer expo from the mid-90's is a great look into how far weve come. Four pound computers...virtual malls...a watch that connects to your computer?? My only wish is that a current day blackberry would appear form the future in this midst of this segment and the whole convention ends up s-ing their p's in unison.

Comfort Wipe: Revolutionary Toilet Paper Advancement

Touted as the first major advance in toilet paper since the 1880's the comfort wipe will allow the old, the inflexible and the overweight a more accessible ass wiping option....hahahahahah

EFF Jam: Sue is a Hooker

A classic I just could not turn down...this one goes out to our roman friend thone.

I didn't watch it: a movie review of a movie i've never seen

The "Taking of Pelham 123" is on the burner today and I will start by recommending they remove the "1" and "3" and just take a number "2" on themselves...if that doesn't make sense to the many people who do not think like I, Dr. Sloweff, here is what I mean: The movie should take a shit on itself. Complicated..yes, deserved...also yes.

Again its bad guy Jonny T making mayhem, much like he did in "Broken Arrow" only this time, instead of war heads, he's taken a subway car full of people, disconnected it and trapped himself in between subway stations. As the men in Guiness commercials say "Brilliant"...and as Dr. SlowEFF says..."your an effing retard." The plot obviously thickens and leads "innocent" subway car operator man aka Denzel to the position of saver of the day- ver, er, er. Anyways...Hollywood, Im not buying it. Two names like Washinton and Travolta don't make a movie great unless of course the movie is great...and in this case I can assume this movie sucks...deep and long and hard. Also I bet i would hate the camera angles they use in the filming of the movie...and they had better not make the NYC MTA subways look any sort of neat because those things are dirty effing cellars I tell ya...

I give this movie 4 effing sucks out of a possible 5

Sloweff and Roeper...Out

Dog Eats Weed, Demands Nachos

Great Story out of Seattle today, it appears that "Jack," a lab mix, got into a stoners stash of sticky grass in a local park. After Jack reappeared from the woods "dizzy" and "disoriented" he immediately made his way into the kitchen where he grabbed a bag of funions and went into the living room where he reportedly listened to Hendrix and remarked about the "Good Ol' Days" for about 3 hours. Jack then dozed off for 45 minutes and woke up cranky and irritable. No word as to whether Jacks idea for choclate covered cheeseburgers will ever take off.

Video of the Day: Surviving Edged Weapons

Take the time to watch the whole video...things really start to pick up around 2:04 and of course, you don't want to miss a tactical maneuver that may one day save your life in a knife fight.

EFF Jam: Mos Def and Slick Rick>>>Mos Definitely

Meow Mix Miami

Warning...If you or someone you know is a cat...DO NOT GO TO MIAMI!

Since May 13th there have been a string of 12 highly sadistic cat killings in and around the city of Miami. No one knows for sure if this is a gang related/ satanic cult related initiation or just some crazy eff running around mutilating peoples pet cats. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN


Check out the story below:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/11/florida.cats.killed/index.html

Robot Snakes!!!

The Israeli military has developed a new robot snake for snooping around, planting bombs, and scaring Palestinians. The new 6 foot long tool of espionage can weave through tough environments to spy on people through it's lens on the "snake's" head. No word if there will be a civilian release of this model but I'm on the edge of my seat, think of all the shinanigans that you can get into with this thing.

EFF Jam: We Go Hard

Great song, even cooler video to watch....chyeah chyeah

I Effing Dare You: Grandma's Orders

Kathryn Winkfein, age 72, was pulled over on the highway and issued a speeding ticket. When the officer asked her to sign the ticket she grew some balls and let the officer know she wasn't happy. Shouting expletives (ie "eff this", "eff that") she refused to comply with the officer's request...and then things got really real. Officer Bieze opened the car door and explained to little old grandma Winkfein that if she continued to resist he would have to arrest her. She didn't give an eff and continued to cause a scene even after stepping out of her vehicle. It was at that point that Officer Beize told Grandma he would have to taze her if she did not step back from the road and comply...to which she replied "Go ahead, Taze Me", the officer again tried to get control of Winkfein but she twisted away. He again informed her he would taze her if she did not cooperate...at which point she said "I Dare You!"....famous last words Grandma Winkfein...the officer tazed her and arrested her for resisting arrest. Lesson to be learned here people, it does not matter who you are...if you eff with the law/ask them to taze you...ya gonna get TAZED Bitch!

here is the link

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31202935/

HOWLIN' FOR-EVA!

On Friday night I had the pleasure to see live in concert one of my favorite bands, TV on The Radio, in Central Park. If you are unfamiliar with TV on The Radio, they are Brooklyn based band and are as eclectic as they come. This "alternative" band was accompanied by a full brass section of trumpets, trombones, and saxophones in addition to their already innovative mixture of samples and loops.

===>Brass section on right....Awesome

What was most impressive about TV on The Radio was the fact it was outside in the pouring rain and the sold out crowd WAS NOT deterred. Lead singer Tunde Adebimpe's energy and passion dancing around the stage while going from instrument to instrument made everyone forget about the faucet being poured on us and allowed the crowd to zero in on the great sounds and melodies being produced. Their set list ranged from the slow building "Shout Me Out" to the intense anthem about being a werewolf, "Wolf Like Me," where Adebimpe belts out at the end in reprise "HOWLIN' FOR-EVA OH OH!" After all the high energy they finished up with the symphonic tune, "Family Tree" which features the chiming harmonies of the rhodes piano.

Their range has earned them high praise from innovative artists like David Bowie and Kanye West. If you haven't listened to TVotR, I highly recommend both of their most recent albums "Dear Science" and "Return to Cookie Mountain" and you too can be "HOWLIN' FOR-EVA OH OH!"

Oh NO!

Yesterday a Slim Jim factory in Garner, North Carolina exploded unexpectedly leaving stoners and road trippers scrambling for a new munchie alternative. Word is still out on whether the damage will effect the distribution of the Dr's beloved long style tobasco flavored stick.

Also an excuse to post this:

I'ts Alllllright Cause I'm Saved By The Bell

Last night on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon my childhood role model, and star of probably the coolest tv show ever, made an appearance. Mark-Paul Goossellaar aka Zach Morris came out dressed as he would have in his glory days at Bayside High. He had his big cell phone, they talked about Kelly Kapowski, The Roots plus Zach performed "Friends Forever" and he agreed to do a cast reunion....Time Out....more like Time In!

THE RUSE: i Tunes Free Single of The Week

Everyone should go to i Tunes and check out the free single of the week, "Beautiful is Gone" by The Ruse. It's a great song by a great band and its free...Don't be an effer, go get yer download on.

You can also check them out at www.rusemusic.com

iTunes Store - The Ruse - Beautiful Is Gone - Single of the Week

Below is another song called "Swallow You" from the same album "Midnight In The City"

EFF Jam: Passion Pit

Trippppppppy

Thanks to a curly haired hippy for the tip.

That is Not a Fish Sir

A Florida man, out fishing in the Gulf of Mexico, caught himself a live air-to-air missile....What the EFF? Mr. Soloman then kept the missile on his boat for 10 days until returning to port. The bomb was dismantled and the world is safer for it...thanks G.I. Joe.

Can anyone tell me why the eff a missile was (1) floating at a depth where catching it was possible or (2) what kind of reel and string this man was using and (3) what his bait selection for this angling outing was?

here's the link

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31184307/

This Just In>>>>>>NO Shit

In a recent interview Adam Lambert, runner up of this past seasons American Idol, has admitted he is gay/Homosexual/not into chicks/prefers dudes/girls make him queasy///// I could go on but you get it.

Dr. SlowEff gives a big "no shit" to this latest breaking news.

Here is the link to this "shocking" new development

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31185626/

Eff Jam: Hooooold On For One More Day

and this version for kicks

JB'ing Dawg

Soulja Boy's latest song "kiss me through the phone" sucks...it sucks bags of dicks

Just had my haircut by a lady who was either on drugs (jawing like a mo fo) or she just had a nervous tick...regardless, the result was spot on Sweeney Todd's of Stamford, spot on.

Stephen Colbert has a business suit made of army issued camo...sweet and who is your tailor sir?

Bulgarian Techno is my new favorite musical genre...its the tits

Turning 26 is not as cool as turning 16 or 18 or 21...or for that matter, 22, 23, 24 or 25...however, it is not that bad.

Are Avocado's healthy?

Saw an Asain dude taking a dump in public last Friday...thought everyone should know.

The Orlando Magic are not Magical...I repeat...they do not possess any paranormal powers, they do not wield level 13 war hammers and they certainly will not win the NBA Finals

That is all

EFF Jam: "Everytime I Look Around It's In My Face"- That is what she said

Take note of the creepy asian sunglass wearing dude chilling in the back. He clearly directs and does voice overs in anime porno now.

Kung Fu Follow Up: J'ing O...A Deadly Way To Go

And the plot thickens...much like David Carradine's boner would have as he attempted auto-erotic asphyxiation aka, choking the shit out of yourself while flogging the bishop.

"Carradine was found with a rope tied around his penis and another rope around his neck...The two ropes were tied together," he said. "It is unclear whether he committed suicide or not or he died of suffocation or heart failure due to an orgasm."

It would seem Banging your cock in Bangkok is not be the safest route to orgasm. To those of you who choke yourself out while handling your crotch puppet...take note of this mans death, no one wants to be found naked with ropes tied to dicks and necks and shit...that's just embarrassing.

Caution: Loaded "Weapon"

Happy Gilmore is Alive?

An Arizona man has recently been charged with 6 counts of assault after a golf game gone wrong.

Nathan Moore was coming around the front nine at the Maricopa Golf Course and preparing to scavenge his club selection for the appropriate "stick" to tackle the dog leg left, par 4 hole number 10. It's a challenging hole that I have not played before...as I've never even been to Arizona..but enough about me, let's talk about Nathan. After selecting his club...a 3 wood, that he'd been hitting quite well thus far that day, he approached the tee box and prepared to drive that little white ball the distance. It was at this point that Mr. Moore noticed a young boy, 12 years of age, rummaging around the bushes looking for golf balls. Mr. Moore, intoxicated as well as being a huge dick head, did not appreciate what he viewed as golf ball theft. He then proceeded to give this 12 year old boy a crotch grab neck grab toss into the bushes and finished things off with a nice 3 wood to the femur for good measure. Seriously Nathan?

I suggest you go Eff yourself...and leave the Happy Gilmore shit for the movies.

http://www.azcentral.com/community/swvalley/articles/2009/06/04/20090604swv-golfer0604-ON.html

EFF Jam of the Day: Who's That Lady

Great, Great Jam

HORRAYYYY NJ!

NJ is on the way to proving itself once again in being one of the "cooler" states in America. On this monumental day, New Jersey's Health and Senior Services Committee of the General Assembly passed a bill that would lead to medical marijuana in the "garden state"...hehe. One more round of votes and perhaps in a couple of years we will have vending machines that dispense Chemdogg like a snickers bar.




==>AWESOME





Everything is positive about this article until they interviewed the all knowing/authoritative Middlesex police chief dork who suggested the approval of Rx nuggets, "will lead to increased marijuana use, increased crime, and an increased threat to public safety." Increased crime?!?! Really?? I would love to hear the story of the blazed out dude who robbed a bank killing innocent hostages, or the hippie who was sooo high (not drunk) he started a bar-room brawl that sent people to the ER. Rack your brains of anything of that sort and you'll get nothing. You know why? The high person representative of this fictitious crime was at home, on the couch, eating Ben & Jerry's Steven Colbert Americone Dream (which is excellent I might add) while catching up on the latest Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode. So eff you James Benson and your Puritan roots. Please follow up on this glorious story below at you leisure....


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31107079

A Tribute To White Basketball Players: "So Caucasion..."

I Don't Think I Really Need to Say Anything....

R.I.P Kung Fu Mastah

Actor David Carradine, best known for his role in the 1970's show Kung Fu and later roles as the Sensei of Yellow book ads and the hit movies Kill Bill, was found dead in a Bangkok, Thailand Hotel room. The location begs obvious speculation....hookers, drugs, nun chuks, long staff, samurai swords, those knives Rafael used to brandish....etc. Either way, the world lost a true NINJA and when a ninja dies, 13 Hello Kitty (whatever the eff they're called) Franchises in Japan shutter their doors...FACT.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/06/04/obit.david.carradine/index.html

Do You Take Sugar and/or (Breast) Milk?

Eff Starbucks....Eff Caribou....and as much as I hate to say it Eff Dunkin Donuts. They don't have shit on The Grand View Coffee Shop who served their coffee & donuts TOPLESS thus changing the coffee game forever. This glorious innovation WAS located in Vassalaboro, Maine, but mysteriously caught fire after community conflict. Initial tensions arouse when a waitress was spotted outside with her boobies exposed....BIG EFFING DEAL. Get over yourself Vassalaboro, this is the coolest thing that will ever come your way.





Caption- "Huh huh...I'll take cream...huh huh"



The owner/visionary's name is Donald Crabtree and hopefully he can rebuild his revolution of putting the "sexy" in coffee A.S.A.P. (his shop was unfortunately uninsured). Don't you worry ladies, The Grand View Coffee Shop did not discriminate and had chiseled chip-n-dale like waiters who were topless as well. Please read up yourself and lookout for a topless coffee shop coming to your neighborhood.


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31086037/

Ohhhh Shit...There they are!

British Scientists are using high tech satellites to track the migration of emperor penguins...problem is they weren't able to see the penguins as they blend in with the ice. So, the scientists began looking for shit patches that stain the ice a nice "light brown". Exciting stuff guys...you should really read this article and utilize it at a dinner party when topical conversation drops off.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/06/02/penguin.satellite.images/index.html

JB'ing: 5 Questions Everyone Should Ask Themsleves

5 Questions I like to ask strangers and think everyone should ask themselves. I'll answer them to give you an idea.

If you were a Super Hero what would your name be? Stronger Man

If you had a racehorse what would you call it? In homage to my favorite italian I would name my horse "The Mozz is 86'd"

If you were a rapper what would you call yourself? Grand Alibabatross

If you owned a Bar what would you name it? Your Mom's

If you had a movie filmed about your life what would the title be? "I Am Not A Doctor?"


Please feel free to answer these in the comments section...it's nice to get a gauge on the "weirdo" level of our readers.

Leroy Smith: Get Your Basketball On!

"Leroy Smith beat Michael Jordan out for the last spot on the Varsity Basketball Team in Tenth Grade...since then he's inspired countless others to acheive greatness."

The character was developed and is played by none other than Chaaaaarlie Murphy (Darkness). He has really gone over board with the creation of this guy Leroy Smith and an amazing website to follow. The site includes all sorts of games, drills to download, songs Leroy has done and other hilarities.

http://www.getyourbasketballon.com/home/

Neysa Malone: Diamond in the Rough

This past Saturday Eff RN and the Count were cruising downtown for some outdoor boozing on a boat, yes, we were on a boat. While making our transfer to the E train we stopped on the platform next to a young musician sitting on an amp, in between songs perusing her ipod. When she found the song she wanted, the beat hit and it was on like a prawn that yawns at dawn. Her intense voice started on a song that is featured on her myspace called Unpredictable. It was good enough to buy her CD, which we played later and was full of good music. She puts out a great vibe and we wanted to send it your way. Below is another video off youtube, check her out.

What about being fabulous?

The Bruno hype machine has begun: One of our most favorite Ali G characters is coming to to the big screen, check out the red band trailer below, followed by a clip of him reverse tea bagging eminem at last nights MTV Movie Awards, and finally followed by a classic Bruno clip from Daytona Spring Break '05. Until July 10th, we will be eating like lots and lots of chocolately things all zee time.





Classic:

EFF Jam:My Favorite Song Ever...Seriously