Yo Jimmy Dean, What The EFF?

As you will find out after listening to the gentleman's complaint call to Jimmy Dean, they have really gone and back doored the consumer.

Dear Jimmy,

Your recent switch from a 16 oz sausage role to a 12 oz sausage roll is wreaking havoc on a family with a net weight in excess of 1,000 lbs...don't you consider this shit when you make such crafty marketing changes Jimmy? I mean really, the three men alone top out at around 650 lbs, plus a "plump, stocky woman" and a 13 year old girl in the midst of puberty and crucial growth years...they clearly require a more hearty serving of sausage at breakfast. How does it feel to be directly responsible for effing with an obese families breakfast desires? He's been a GD self proclaimed lover of your meats for almost 30 years for eff sake. If someone had been loving my meats for that long you certainly wouldn't find me going out and skimping back on my beef and upsetting a meat lover in the process. Did you think the customer would be willing to compensate with additional fried eggs or an extra T-bone steak you dumb eff? Jimmy, this man is from Texas where everything is apparently bigger and as a result he's sure as eff going to be keen to the size of things. Did you think he wouldn't notice when you go and pull this kind of crap in the dark of the night in grocery aisles everywhere? What the EFF?

"Save money, save money...fuck I want to eat God Dammit"

Oh, Ohh, Ohhhh, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

A freight truck in London, Ontario recently blew its load full of condoms allllll over the road when it tipped. The driver explained he was close to the drop off location when all of a sudden he "lost control"....hehehe. The headline says it all.

Dr. Dre, Dr. Pepper, Dr. Sloweff....Eff jam

Dr. Dre agrees, slower is better



"Falling Back on that ass"



west coast time

Summer of 95: Where Were You?

If you were me, you were hanging out watching channel 96 THE BOX. This wasn't scrambled porn. No, that was channel 73. This was the better MTV back when MTV played music. It was TRL before Carson Daly ever had a job or black nail polish. And my friends and I sat around day after day saying, "God I hope they play Skee Lo!"

To all my homies...

I Wish Skee lo
by oublierleracismeskyblog

Minnie Mouse Molested, Told to Stop Being Such a Slut

In obscure cartoon groping news, a 60 year old Pennsylvanian grandfather (big surprise) has been arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery after repeatedly grabbing a Disney World employee's T's and A. Photo evidence can be seen below:


The defense argues that the man was on vacation, "just trying to have a good time." And why not? I'm sure we've all been part of a groping or two on vacation (see Daytona Beach SB '98), all this guy was doing was trying to relive the glory days. Plus, if you ask me, Minnie was so asking for it.

Perhaps the best part about finding this article was not the actual story, but the "Disney Related" articles found on the page, like a story from '07 when Tigger punched a kid, and more recently, a Sex Arrest Made at Typhoon Lagoon.

Where Are They Now?

Kristin Cavallari.
In 2004, you stole the hearts of everyone, despite the whole "she's 17" thing. And as quickly as you ran into my life, you were gone just as fast. The Original LC had been replaced by the actual LC and life went on. And a couple of years ago, you had a great cameo on Adventures in Hollyhood when Juicy J tried to J on your Juicys. Then nothing. But now you're going back to your ace in the hole, The Hills. Thank God. I can't wait.


Now for all of you out there saying to yourself, "but what about Audrina? That poor girl is getting thrown out like yesterdays trash." Don't worry, after her tasteful topless photos were leaked to the press and published on every news outlet, she apparently has caught the eye of a very reputable movie director. This October, you can see her in Sorority Row, where she plays the part of the dead girl that comes back to life and murders her friends one by one. Cross your fingers that this isn't foreshadowing.

Don't Rush The Stage

Or Keith Richards will beat your ass. Noted.

I'll Drink You Under The Table

It would take 25409 bottles of O'Douls to kill me

Created by Bar Stools

What Women Want

If you can't read the minds of women like Mel Gibson, I'll let you in on a little secret - women like gifts. Now any jerk off can buy a girl flowers or jewelry. But that doesn't involve any thought and it's the thoughtful gifts that pay off. So this year, I've done the leg work of thoughtfulness for you.
You're welcome.

In the News

LOCAL:
New Yorker Trina Thompson is suing Monroe College (the ITT Tech of NYC) for $70,000 because she hasn't found a job in the past 3 months since graduation. When life gives you lemons, sue the shit out of someone with money. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32265981/ns/us_news-weird_news/

NATIONAL:
The tool bag who lost a tool bag in outerspace last November can breathe easy tonight. After 8 months of chillin in space, the $100,000 bag of nuts and C clamps has finally returned to Earth! And burned up while entering the atmostphere... great success!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,536684,00.html

SPORTS:
Nobody wants Micheal Vick... wait what? And apparently there was an Arena Football League that nobody watched? Well they're bankrupt now, so I'm definitely not watching. Especially if it conflicts with real gridiron action. Like the LFL. Hi.... yo.

Should've Seen It Coming

So Señor Eff Jats, the Dr. and I agreed to split a room for a wedding this past weekend. It was a minimum 3 night stay and you better believe we took full advantage of it. 3 friends, for 3 nights in a place by a lake which is inhabited by either the deaf, the heaviest of sleepers, or nobody at all. After 3 glorious days and nights of binge drinking and other related shenanigans (with a glorious wedding wedged in the middle), we went to sleep in our respective beds last night riding on cloud 9. And woke up feeling like someone had just beaten 7 shades of shit out of me. It was awful. I couldn't understand what had happened. Then I remembered the blackout dinner we had the night before we left. Ahhh... Lesson learned.

I learned another lesson today too... Don't trust your friends when your blindfolded.