Gothic Kitty

I love Pennsylvania. Seems a woman from the Scranton/Wilke-Barre area has been piercing little kittens and cats in the ears and necks in an effort to market them as "Goth." Makes me giggle so hard...despite the awful nature of the act.

She's been charged with animal cruelty and will most likely spend time getting her "kitty" "pierced" in jail by the inmates.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/14/holly-crawfords-pierced-cats-cruelty_n_876781.html

Beaver ATTACK...OMEFFG

HAHAHAHAHAHA:

insert hilarity/sexual innuendo wherever you'd like. beavers are eating couples and little girls. The Philly creek system is loaded with these little guys and they don't care who they "munch."

P.S. they have rabies...not a "nbd"...more like a series of shots to the abdomen to remove the virus and prevent foaming of the mouth.

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/weird/123066703.html

Open Letter to the "Car Effer": Wow

Dear "Car Effer",




I totally respect sexual orientation. I also respect an appreciation or passion for the things most important in one's life. BANGING OUT YOUR VW BEETLE IS UNNACCEPTABLE.

Let's start this off with a quote to get the ball rolling:

"There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving."

I would love to know where you wedge your pud...the gas tank? the exhaust tip? between the armrest? where the seats fold down? under the flip down vanity mirror? HHHWERE AND HHWHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THESE VEHICLES?

This situation brings a whole new meaning to "drive-in" movies. Do you ever just lay back and let the car take charge? Are there new sexual postitions like the "reverse dry rack and pinion steering" or "congress of the AM/FM radio?"

How does a relationship work and when does it come to an end? Have you ever been scorned or wronged by a car that Effed another lover? Do you dump cars when they "depreciate in value?" Do you look back on a '89 Camaro and say, "that was my great white buffalo...the one that got away."
Dammit, how do you even know the difference between a guy car and a girl car? do you check under the hood for that sort of thing? EFFFF my head hurts thinking about all this.

I realize this is far less a letter and far more a ridiculous take on 20 questions but I just cannot get my car around this "auto-erotic" thing you've got going.

I'm going to leave this here as I'm speechless and out of questions. Good luck boning cars you weird eff.

Yours Truly,

Dr. Sloweff
here's the link to the story further wow factor.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-having-sex-with-1000-cars.html

Listen UP Monrovers My Name Is Brandon St. Randy

too funny

I Effing Love Soda

Special thanks to sloweff field reported Sir Effeo2 on this amazing story.

You can actually get high off soda...like OMEFFG! It seems a man who does not even get high (sure) has created a soft drink infused with THC. There are flavors to match coca cola, dr. pepper, orange crush, mt. dew and grape soda. This guy is like the marijuana equivalent of the guy who created post it effin notes as far as I'm concerned.

Big shout out to the Honorable EFF Jats who is currently in Amsterdam doing field research on this product line in a variety of coffee shops. Let's hope he checks in and provides feed back from the marijuana mecca.

Here is the link to the website as well as an msnbc story on the new "product line"


http://www.drinkcannacola.com/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41232607/ns/business-consumer_news/

HOLY EFF JAM

Awesome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pidokakU4I

Oh My Sweet EFF, My Zodiac Sign Changed?

So there is some hot, hot chatter "trending" (hate that term) regarding a recent shift in Zodiac signs. As you can imagine this has caused quite a stir among the astrologically inclined, singles looking for ideal matches, people who have "sweet" zodiac tats and probably a little bit of Chinese history as well.

Now I won't say I follow my "sign" daily or place a great deal of worth in what it says but I certainly do enjoy checking it from time to time and if it says something P-tarded like "love is in the air and this month will be a financial success" you can bet your sweet ass I walk around with my fingers and toes crossed up for good luck.

The reality of this astrological nightmare is that there is no need to fear. The signs have only shifted if you adhere to the eastern styled sidereal zodiac. As westerners we follow the tropical zodiac and as such have no need for drastic life alterations. So if you have a shit tatoo that depicts your sign or you just recently lined up a date with your most compatible astrological opposite, never fear...the stars come out in the sky each night, all is well.

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/01/13/no-your-zodiac-sign-hasnt-changed/?hpt=C2

Sarah Palin Just Farted.

She totes just farted. Look at her face...seriously, if that's not a post fart nervous grin i don't know what is.

Urgent Additional Katy Perry Analysis

I have just been informed by a sloweff reader that a fatal flaw exists in my katy perry analysis. In my seemingly well thought out breakdown of Ms. Perry's body of work I carelessly overlooked two "deal breakers" if you will. I simply cannot stand idle knowing the absence of two "essential hits" could sway my affection for KP...it wouldn't be right.

So:

Teenage Dream and California Girls are on the board and are currently playing on a loop while this horrific error is addressed.

Upon close of the last post the score stood at 1-3 in dis-favor of Ms. Perry. The addition of these two songs could very easily flip the switch, mount a comeback, eff shit up and even alter the world as we know it...it's poss but not obvi.

Teenage Dream: hell, i'd be an ass if I attempted to deny the high school whimsy this song evokes. If you can't recall that wild high school emotion from the good old teenage days than i truly feel sorry for you. There are few things one experiences in life that compare to the wonderful world of a teenage romance. I feel absolutely no need to argue this song any further. A teenage dream is a teenage dream and whether you're 15 or 50 the excitement you feel is simply the "tits." Score one for Ms. Perry...it's now 2-3.

California Gurls: Analysis of this song tears my heart in every direction. First off, it features snoop and that's always a plus. IN addition, it's about california girls and as a resident of San Diego I would be stuffed full of high grade bullshit if i were to deny the reality that is a "california girl." I definitely react to this song when I hear it but with far less intensity as I might for Ms. Perry's "kissed a girl" or "if we ever meet again" with timbo. I guess what I'm trying to say is it just does not "light a fire" within me and unfortunately that's a fatal flaw for a song as I see it. I'd love to give a point in favor of Ms. Perry here but I can't force what doesn't feel right.

Final Score is 2-4...despite a late push with "teenage dreams" Ms. Perry was unable to win over my full fledged support. She'll have to prove her worth as time moves forward if I am ever to declare myself a "fan."