Last Thursday night Dr. SlowEff and The Honorable Eff Jats were workin it at our weekly improv class when a fellow classmate shouted out a topic to be discussed in an exercise...that topic you ask? BACONNAISE- that's right mother effers, bacon flavored mayonaise is a real deal product and I cannot wait to hunt it down, stab...I mean spread it and eat it on just about everything. Not only is there BACONNAISE, but there is also BACONNAISE LITE, Bacon Salts, Lip Balms, and seasoning rubs all in the name and taste of BACON. A completely genius idea. Take two things that every red blooded american loves, mayo and bacon, breed them and out pops little baby baconnaise. Talk about fat kid paradise, you're telling me i can now make every sandwich taste like bacon with or without bacon.
With a revolutionary new product out there on the market, here are a few issues that I believe will be affected by Baconnaise.
War: how could anyone fight eachother when they are able to spread baconnaise on their sandwiches? Or, will baconnaise be coveted and fought over much like diamonds and oil?
Famine- Baconnaise could feed villages in africa i bet....I also bet, if consumed in large quantity it will stop hearts everywhere.
Disease- if you spread baconnaise on your wounds they heal and if you have a terminal illness, just eat baconnaise and poooof, gone are the tumors and sickness. As a Doctor I stand by this statement...pretty sure it "could" be true?
Economy- Baconnaise would probably create an entirely new sector of the commodities exchange with people trading in bacon bits, bacon salts and baconnaise rather than dollars and shares...I'll take 25,000 bacon bits of baconnaise stat.
Gun Control- Baconnaise would prevent people from holding guns because everyone's hands would be greased up with baconnaise. It may also lead to baconnaise fiends commiting more gun related crimes in attempts to get their fix.
J'ing O - eff the expensive moisturizers, lube it up with some baconnaise....or maybe just stick with moisturizers.
Sports- Clearly Nascar should have a baconnaise car sponsored and Golf should have the Baconnaise Open penciled into the tour schedule as well.
Politics- I sure hope this product will make parties on both sides of the aisle find common ground for the common good. Hell, Barack Obama is almost like Political Baconnaise, bringing all parties to the table to spread the goodness around.
I'll stop there...you get the picture and its tasty as hell.
Here is the link to the official founding site...visit for more info or to buy the baconnaise asap.
http://www.jdfoods.net/ourstory.php
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