I have just recently read allegations on our rival site, Dchino.blogspot.com aka, talldork+yiddishdork.com, suggesting that we plagiarize and copy the material they use on their blog. I will address this quickly as I do not feel it deserves much time out of my already un-busy work schedule.
1. we don't have a single post that is on any related topic. This is because we have no interest in hockey, darkons, beared dudes riding horses, making fun of retarded kids, stalking dc athletes, posting pictures of men with their genitalia visible, learning how to properly pull slot machines,using google map images, blah, blah, blah.
2. any article we get material from is noted either by link or by reference. note the links dorkons.
In closing, I would never think to plagiarize the shit they put up. Furthermore, suggesting that we at sloweff "copy" the material they have or write with similarity is insulting. We would stop blogging if we thought our creative minds could not find, post and place humor on original topics or observations and we certainly would not turn to your shit blog for help.
Dr. SlowEff
P.S.--We eat blogs like you for breakfast
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Grass-Mud Horse = Eff Your Mom?
Werr, Werr, Werr Chinese population, You have really battled back in your fight against internet censorship with the wide sweeping popularity that is "The Grass-Mud Horse". This mythical creature started as an internet phenomenom but has since moved into a position of greater importance. "The Grass-Mud Horse" is part children's mythical story, part subtle censorship protest, and part homonym hilarity. As it turns out the chinese language is ripe with homonyms to include "9" and "wine" among others and in this case, "Grass-Mud Horse" sounds just like "Mother Effer." Basically, the story is the internet and intellectual community of China saying to the goverment, "you can't censor us for talking about children's mythical creatures, even if the undertones are protest jabs at you"- my loose chinese interpretation
Check out this "Sexy" video of the mythical beast
The creature, which closely resembles an alpaca, and its story have taken on steam and support from many high ranking intellectuals both inside and outside the communist country. There are cartoons and youtube videos and even a song that tells the tale of the "grass-mud horse" and its battle with the pesky river crabs that have emerged from the waters to eat the fields the horses graze upon. Lucky for all of us, the "Grass-Mud Horse" is victorious in its battle with the river crabs.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/12/world/asia/12beast.html?_r=1
Check out this "Sexy" video of the mythical beast
The creature, which closely resembles an alpaca, and its story have taken on steam and support from many high ranking intellectuals both inside and outside the communist country. There are cartoons and youtube videos and even a song that tells the tale of the "grass-mud horse" and its battle with the pesky river crabs that have emerged from the waters to eat the fields the horses graze upon. Lucky for all of us, the "Grass-Mud Horse" is victorious in its battle with the river crabs.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/12/world/asia/12beast.html?_r=1
Dude vs. Shark
In an amazing under water wrestling match, spear fisherman Craig Clasen came out on top. While Clasen and two friends were in the Gulf of Mexico spearing down feisty tuna one member of the team became separated from the group. This lucky effer then found himself staring down a 12 foot tiger shark and 100 to 1 odds per the Vegas line on the fight.
Before I go any further in discussing the deets of the man vs. shark under water throw down, I would like to say that I personally would have shit my wet suit and maybe even had a heart attack before jaws could get to me.
Turns out Craig Clasen does not share the same fear of sharks that Dr. Sloweff holds. Clasen came between the isolated group member and challenged the effing tiger shark to hand to fin combat. BALLSY MOVE Clasen! The shark and Clasen then wrestled for two hours underwater. During the underwater struggle, Clasen speared the shark seven times and even attempted to drown it before finishing it off with a long-blade knife. Ummmmm, holy shit, this guy is my Effing hero. He Sloweffed a shark under water and won. Heavy favorite for the first ever Sloweffy Award to be named on friday.
Check out the wild photo shots of this awesome battle at the link below.
http://www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/news/nationalnews/pp_20090312_shark_killer/photo03.htm
Before I go any further in discussing the deets of the man vs. shark under water throw down, I would like to say that I personally would have shit my wet suit and maybe even had a heart attack before jaws could get to me.
Turns out Craig Clasen does not share the same fear of sharks that Dr. Sloweff holds. Clasen came between the isolated group member and challenged the effing tiger shark to hand to fin combat. BALLSY MOVE Clasen! The shark and Clasen then wrestled for two hours underwater. During the underwater struggle, Clasen speared the shark seven times and even attempted to drown it before finishing it off with a long-blade knife. Ummmmm, holy shit, this guy is my Effing hero. He Sloweffed a shark under water and won. Heavy favorite for the first ever Sloweffy Award to be named on friday.
Check out the wild photo shots of this awesome battle at the link below.
http://www.nypost.com/photos/galleries/news/nationalnews/pp_20090312_shark_killer/photo03.htm
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Would You Like to Send an Error Report?
Have you ever been diligently working excel spreadsheet, jamming out to iTunes, or watching your favorite clips on your computer when all of a sudden the program you running freezes and closes. After you angrily resume your activity and recoup any lost data Microsoft asks you if you want to “Send an Error Report.” What is this effing report and why?
When I was young starry eyed freshman in college I had my first Compaq Presario laptop and I was going to take the BEST care of it. After about a month of Limewire/Kazaa downloads, I first encountered this message while listening to newly downloaded 80s classics, most likely Eddie Money "Take Me Home Tongiht."
“Would you like to send an error report?”
Of course I did! This was going to be the answer to all my computer problems. I sent the error report and minutes later I had confirmation that Microsoft knew what had happened and would fix it through the magical internet. Sadly, in my blind belief I thought it would never happen again. A month later while working diligently on my Presario,”Would you like to send an error report?” Wait a minute, didn’t I already comply with them and send the error report so this WOULDN’T happen again. So I sent the error report knowing there was something fishy going on and it wasn’t just Backdoor Latina’s 8.
Little did I know, after a couple years of sending this “report” my Compaq Presario crashed. But I had sent the error report all these years, didn’t Microsoft know that my computer was failing, why didn’t they help me? A special e-mail, a technician? Nothing. Did I think my error report was a special message to Bill Gates’s inbox to inform him that Nappy Roots “Heads Up” was corrupted and freezing my Limewire? The answer was clearly no.
Feeling betrayed by the system I believed in got me thinking. If this report isn’t helping “US” the consumer it must be helping “THEM” the evil empire. To what advantage I do not know yet, but I will find out. What I do know is that they compiled a ton of information from me over those years ranging from exotic fetishes to my essay on Vishnu the all powerful Hindu God. Well Microsoft that is all you’ll ever know!!! Because I’ve changed for the better and I no longer trust you.
“Would you like to send an error report?”
EFF NO AND EFF YOU!!!!!!! You owe me a Presario Bill Gates.
Last Nights Hockey Action: Caps Get Bitch Slapped...Twice
We normally don't comment on the worst sport in the world, but given our newfound throwdown with dchino.blogspot.com
we felt it necessary to give you all an update on their third place team. In last nights action, the "Caps" may have won the game in OT but they got smoked in the fighting department. Usually the bad ass, Donald Brashear got knocked the EFF out by Predators winger Wade Belack's left hook in the 1st period. Not to be shown up, Jordan Tootoo of the Pred's quickly followed in his teammates footsteps by rearranging the Caps' Matt Bradley's face, leaving him bloodied and battered. Seriously, you got this roughed up by someone named Tootoo? Harden the eff up. 
Back the Eff up off my bag bra
Los Angeles Police, with the help of airport security, told rapper Coolio "1, 2, 3, 4 get the eff down on the floor" when cocaine was found in his bags passing through security at LAX. Coolio most likely replied, "But I gotta get up to get down, gotta gotta get up to get down". A fair excuse to be sure Mr. Coolio, however, the friendly skies are not a "Gangsta's Paradise" and carrying "Miss Bliss" through baggage check will certainly prevent you from going on whatever "Fantastic Voyage" you had planned.
"The 45-year-old rapper, whose real name is Artis Leon Ivey, was also charged Tuesday with battery stemming from his Friday arrest at Los Angeles International Airport. Authorities say he grabbed a screener's arm to prevent a luggage search that turned up the drugs.
Ivey was charged with one felony count of possession, and one misdemeanor count each of battery and possession of paraphernalia. He was released on $10,000 bail and is scheduled for arraignment April 3.
"http://www.nypost.com/seven/03102009/entertainment/coolio_charged_with_cocaine_possession___158925.htmSeriously Coolio, take a note out of notorious dumb ass Michael Vicks book...don't bring drugs, whether in bags or crafty nalgene bottles, through the effing airport. What the eff man? I can't believe you, thinking you would get away with this is just the silliest shit head idea north of Bogota. And to think you would just stop them from searching your bag with a hand slap and a little bit of force. Yep dawg, really intelligent first move. With smarts like that you probably qualify for a MENSA grant.
I can't get too upset about this seeing as how you are a gangsta and that's just how you roll. It's too bad your career hit the shitter and you still have to fly commercial...private planes don't check for shenanigans like that. Hope for a comeback on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.
Best of luck beating the charge and thanks again for the classic old school hits...R-Tard
"The 45-year-old rapper, whose real name is Artis Leon Ivey, was also charged Tuesday with battery stemming from his Friday arrest at Los Angeles International Airport. Authorities say he grabbed a screener's arm to prevent a luggage search that turned up the drugs.
Ivey was charged with one felony count of possession, and one misdemeanor count each of battery and possession of paraphernalia. He was released on $10,000 bail and is scheduled for arraignment April 3.
"http://www.nypost.com/seven/03102009/entertainment/coolio_charged_with_cocaine_possession___158925.htmSeriously Coolio, take a note out of notorious dumb ass Michael Vicks book...don't bring drugs, whether in bags or crafty nalgene bottles, through the effing airport. What the eff man? I can't believe you, thinking you would get away with this is just the silliest shit head idea north of Bogota. And to think you would just stop them from searching your bag with a hand slap and a little bit of force. Yep dawg, really intelligent first move. With smarts like that you probably qualify for a MENSA grant.
I can't get too upset about this seeing as how you are a gangsta and that's just how you roll. It's too bad your career hit the shitter and you still have to fly commercial...private planes don't check for shenanigans like that. Hope for a comeback on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.
Best of luck beating the charge and thanks again for the classic old school hits...R-Tard
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Its a Blog Off
It has just come to my attention that the all gay staff at dchino.blogspot.com has set the stage for an epic blog off with the SlowEffSquad....big mistake. I would first like to say that we support our friends blog and suggest you take a look at it...if you like things that suck in places that suck. 
DChino- your name confuses me...im not sure whether I pronounce the DC and then say "hino" or whether its just D- and then "Chino", which could be a latino reference or your favorite pair of pressed slacks. Once I am able to move beyond the name of your blog and delve deep into the blog I find myself viewing a streaming smear of "Darkons" and I just do not get what that's all about. It's as if you are running a fan blog for Twilight. Our blog shows random pictures as well, but those are of things easily understood such as...meat, five hour energy, a portrait of my girlfriend when she was 5, pictures of things that have overt sexual references and pictures of things that our immaturity makes into a sexual reference...catch my drift? Now moving onto your content, i really can't hate....so i will write this next portion in italics to represent serious SARCASM
Dear D-Chino, I very much enjoy videos of allen iverson breaking someones ankles, articles on shaquille o'neal at a renaissance/stick fighting fare and gheorghe muresean related links...no really, i like the stuff. I also appreciate you exploiting youth jiu jitsu girls and covering the washington capitals daily, without fail.
We write long rambling stories, both personal and observed because that's just what we do. you post video after video and then make a paragraphs worth of comments on each one. Spice up your blog Dorkons
Reasons DC Sucks:
-Georgetown- pretentious crop of standard issue sucksters...Id rather be a hipster than one of those homos.
-If they work on the hill they think they have importance- answering phone calls and giving capitol tours is not important.
-Over wearing of blazers
-Cabs run in zones
-Gay politicians--like actually gay
-Southeast- run whitey run
-Giant penguins roaming the streets looking for cold cuts
-The Washinton Redskins and more importantly Redskins fans
I'll stop there...go eff yourselves
DChino- your name confuses me...im not sure whether I pronounce the DC and then say "hino" or whether its just D- and then "Chino", which could be a latino reference or your favorite pair of pressed slacks. Once I am able to move beyond the name of your blog and delve deep into the blog I find myself viewing a streaming smear of "Darkons" and I just do not get what that's all about. It's as if you are running a fan blog for Twilight. Our blog shows random pictures as well, but those are of things easily understood such as...meat, five hour energy, a portrait of my girlfriend when she was 5, pictures of things that have overt sexual references and pictures of things that our immaturity makes into a sexual reference...catch my drift? Now moving onto your content, i really can't hate....so i will write this next portion in italics to represent serious SARCASM
Dear D-Chino, I very much enjoy videos of allen iverson breaking someones ankles, articles on shaquille o'neal at a renaissance/stick fighting fare and gheorghe muresean related links...no really, i like the stuff. I also appreciate you exploiting youth jiu jitsu girls and covering the washington capitals daily, without fail.
We write long rambling stories, both personal and observed because that's just what we do. you post video after video and then make a paragraphs worth of comments on each one. Spice up your blog Dorkons
Reasons DC Sucks:
-Georgetown- pretentious crop of standard issue sucksters...Id rather be a hipster than one of those homos.
-If they work on the hill they think they have importance- answering phone calls and giving capitol tours is not important.
-Over wearing of blazers
-Cabs run in zones
-Gay politicians--like actually gay
-Southeast- run whitey run
-Giant penguins roaming the streets looking for cold cuts
-The Washinton Redskins and more importantly Redskins fans
I'll stop there...go eff yourselves
Get Yer' Effing News 3/10/09
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