Crack Is Cool!

Well not really. It's terribly addictive and can lead to shady activity. But in comparison to rape, it's right up there with peeing your pants. But as we all know, everyone's favorite leg-breaking linebacker Lawrence Taylor was a bit of a crack fiend... which has led to shady activity... like having sex with a 15 year-old runaway-turned hooker. The girl, who was treated for injuries related to being punched in the face, was brought to a Ramapo, NJ Holiday Inn by a pimp. Yada yada yada, LT is now being charged with 3rd degree rape. Why 3rd degree? Was it less rapey because she was beaten into going by her pimp? Or is it because she's a hooker, but an underage hooker, so it's kind of her profession, but at this age she doesn't really know what she wants? Better question: Where's the pimp in all of this? The way I see it, maybe he should be catching some jail time for taking in 15 year-old runaways and beating them into sleeping with unknowning hall-of-famers (I use "unkowning" lightly, as we all know, everyone thinks the girl was 18 after the fact). But what kind of pimp would he be if he was getting arrested for pimpin'? Every good pimp knows not to get arrested, that was lesson 1 on the first day of pimpology 101. This was day 2:

Craigslist Wants to Help...

Tune Your God Damn Piano

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Date: 2010-02-12, 4:52PM EST

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For christ's sake people, just let me tune your god damn piano, do the both of us a favor. I'm the best in the whole god damn city, I swear to christ. You can ask any one of my clients at any given time, email me and ask me for a list. I'll make that fucker SING. Hell, you pay me a little extra and I'll make YOU sing too. Na i'm kidding, that's a little joke there. Nothing sexual, just piano tuning. Email me and I'll come the fuck over, tune your fucking piano, take your money, then be on my merry old motherfuckin way.
You want the shitfuckin thing tuned? Fine. Call me. I'll tune it. Done. Just like that.

All of Manhattan or Brooklyn. Don't fucking call me if you're in Queens or Hoboken.

$80 for grand and upright pianos
$100 for spinet upright pianos (because they are way goddamn harder)

What'd You Do This Weekend?

Drinking

Do you ever drink so much you can't sit still? Of course you have. We all have. If you haven't, try it. If you don't drink, screw you, stop judging me. Depth perception is a fun reality to fight when you're this drunk, as this gentleman has so adequately demonstrated for us.



Now you might be thinking, "wow, what a total ass hammer this guy is, he can't put his shoes on", and you'd be right.

Superman Plays for Fordham

Please keep your eye on the man (out of screen, on first base)

Kownacki leaps over the catcher @ Yahoo! Video

International Relations

Have you ever heard the expression "Don't Mess With Texas"?



Guangdong forward Du Feng just found out why.

Here's the English translation:
"Chinese player gingerly rubbed heads with opponent and got knocked out."

Now here's the Engrish version:
"In the last minute of the game, a boxing fan Chongjinchangnei Charles, causing a serious course of conflict and confusion. Du Feng temple and beaten unconscious oxygen boxing fans riot Charles cited."

90's week (revisted)

After watching Can't Hardly Wait and Dead Man on Campus, I decided to root through some of my middle school/high school mixtapes that I made off the radio. Back then the internet was just a baby and only good for starting chat room fights and lying about the size of my junk to a 36 year old pedephile posing as a 16 year old from Michigan with 32DDs. Here's one of my treasures.

Fat Chick Riding Mechanical Bull

And now a video of a plus size woman getting tossed from a bull

American Hero Turned Hardened Criminal

George Washington never told a lie. He also never returned his library books. That's right. The first US president has racked up 220 years of late fees for two books he checked out from the New York Society Library, New York's oldest library.